It is not your job to un-gunshy him. OP, I think you have simply had a string of less-than-desirable men to interact with. I'm 27, and I feel the pressure to find someone getting more intense every day. Too much baggage, emotional and financial. After which we set up home together. In your case, his behavior indicates he is backing away.
It's always the things we don't expect that hit us between the eyes.
Gentlemen Speak: Real Men Explain Why a Guy Might Be Sending You Mixed Signals
Current guy seems to have some huge insecurity issues. To all of those traits, I say a BIG no. Well, from what I can tell, that typically means he is acting weakly, and he needs to do the opposite. It is bad that he did not show up to events after agreeing to. How is it bad to work on yourself? I think you just need to be pragmatic. Pressure is not going to help you at all whether real or implied.